New Job; New Outlook

Hello friend. Last week I started a new job as an independent contractor delivering small packages around town. I really like it! The only downfall is my car's air conditioning is broke. The heat really gets to me and I'm afraid if I don't get it fixed soon I will have to quit. Last night I came home with a HORRIBLE headache from the heat. Today was the same way only my stomach was the issue. My husband thinks I'm a baby. Nice guy huh? Just because he can take it doesn't mean I can. Am I really a baby? Or, have I been so spoiled with the comforts of life? Nope....I NEED air conditioning!!!! I know, I know....there are soooo many people so far worse off than I. I should suck it up! Then again, I say....why for? I'm working....my car needs repair....I should get it done so I can be productive. I am in my car from 10 a.m. to sometime 7 p.m. or longer and I don't get out of the heat! And what about when it rains and it's 100 degrees outside??? That's a long freaking time to be in the elements wouldn't you say? The heat from the roads, cars and of course the sun really do me in.

So web-world....am I a baby?

My New Grandson is Born!

May 12th, 2010. Baby Kenny is born...9 lbs, 14 oz.! Healthy and gorgeous! I didn't know about the birth until a day later. That kind of made me sad that my daughter didn't call me right away to let me know. I don't know what's happened to my family. I know what happened...I left my family. I moved 400 miles away from my family 11 years ago. I left my family to fend for themselves and have been beating myself up ever since. My family is a mess and I blame myself. Hell....I'm a mess. After my divorce in the 80's I had no clue, no moral compass and God only knows I didn't know how to raise my kids on my own. I went through several men and 2 engagements before I found my current husband. I couldn't manage my bills very well, always made poor decisions no matter financially or personally. To this day I make decisions based on "want" and not "need." Just ask my husband, he'll tell ya! I wonder why he has stayed with me this long. LOL.

Since my layoff I have found it extremely difficult to find a job. Last week I took a job delivering small packages, you know, courier services. I enjoy it but I'm not sure if the money is enough to make a difference. I guess some money is better than no money.

Until next time!

Daughter No. 1

My oldest daughter lives in Tennessee with her teenage son and new husband. Some years ago, we had an argument and our relationship has been strained ever-since. I know I wasn't the perfect Mom when my kids were growing up but I thought I did the best I could. Perhaps I could have done a lot better but I didn't know that at the time. The stresses of being a divorsed mother, not knowing how to manage money or my own life or how to raise 3 kids on my own really took its toll.

This past weekend the floods in Tennessee worried me and I contacted her through Facebook. She is cordial with me and assured me that they were alright. Facebook seems to be the only way of communication and the only way I can see what's going on in my daughters life. Being estranged really sucks.